My valentine

Anthropomorphic Valentine, circa 1950-1960

Typical elementary school Valentine. Just what we all needed in grade school: relationship pressure. (Image via Wikipedia)

Valentine’s Day is pretty much a non-event for me. It’s the sort of thing that sneaks up on me every year, until I walk into the grocery store and realize that everything is draped in pink allasudden. You’d think I’d have noticed the increase in diamond and flower commercials, but that seems to go right past me.  

How I feel about this “holiday” varies a lot from year to year.  I mean, they pull out all the happily-ever-after movies, and that’s a win, right? Versus Halloween, when I can’t even have my TV on because every commercial is going to scare me?

Valentine’s day can be tough on singles (and not-singles in a relationship with the romantically-impaired). But I’m generally pretty okay with my life-as-solo-adventure, so aside from the occasional and fleeting twinge, it’s not awful. How “not awful” varies, as I said. My first year at the no-longer-new job, it was not so much the singleness as the peer pressure and floral terrorism that got to me more than anything else. Last year I was away at a conference for work, and trying to sort out which (if any) of the guys I’d met speed-dating I wanted to be actually-dating (and Valentine’s Day was just creating artificial pressure I didn’t need or want) so being away was a welcome break from that confusion.

This year I’m on hiatus from dating.  The boy I’ve pseudo-dated on and off for years on end (we’re just friends now… I think) is in transit to Florida where he is hiding from the cold for a month. (He’ll be working remotely, which his company actually prefers their people to do, so they can minimize office space needs.)  So he won’t be doing anything Valentiny for me, even if he was so inclined.

He did, however, invite me to go down and visit him while he’s there.  I’m sure that wouldn’t be at all weird.

I can’t get away from work anyway but when I said so he suggested I come down for a weekend.  And then he said he’d get us a room at the Palace. Which is code for a hotel in Miami that we stayed at, back in the beforetime when I didn’t have a belief system to violate.

PS: You know what’s really hard on a dating relationship? When one of you comes to faith in the middle of it, and all the rules for what is acceptable dating behavior start to shift.

Anyway his invitation to stay with him at the Palace implies to me that he is thinking that there will be more to my visiting than just a friendly stay in a warm climate. I take this as an indication that our definitions of “just friends” are at cross-purposes once again. And that he misses me, which is just good sense on his part, but not enough to – oh, I don’t know – put any parameters around the relationship.

Limbo. Ha. I think not. Besides, it would be the wrong thing to do.

Which does not stop this conversation from happening inside my head:

I can’t go to Florida to see him. That would send the wrong message.

It’s cold as anything here.

It would be asking for trouble.

It’s a lot warmer in Miami Beach.

It would be wrong.

It would be warm.

Wrong.

Warm.

Wrong.

Warm…

Wrong!

No, I’m not going to Florida. Of course I’m not.  And I’m kind of glad that he’s gone away, because it eliminates any even subtle wishfulness that he’s going to make some kind of romantic gesture. That would be a useless thing to be wishing for anyway; I wouldn’t know what to do about it if he did.

Friends is what we are, and what we should be.

Sign of the times: Seen at the grocery store this evening

Anyway, so much about this holiday is really just about us wanting to see ourselves in someone else’s eyes.

It doesn’t really matter anyway. I am my own valentine. And now that I stop to think about it… that is actually a pretty cool thing.

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About aka gringita
Flotsam generator. Amateur photographer. Avid traveler. Christ follower.

4 Responses to My valentine

  1. Em says:

    You can go to Florida to see him – you just have to book a hotel room for yourself. If he is your friend then he is inviting you for your company – and the rest – well, you can’t blame a guy for putting it out there considering you have history.

    But it is difficult to back a relationship up once its gotten to the sex stage – at least if the experiences were good ones……..so depending on your commitment to celibacy – it might be risky for you to put yourself in that situation.

    Like

  2. ournote2self says:

    Don’t go to Florida!!! Haha! Boys always want their cake and eat it too. Good for you for ‘sort of’ convincing yourself not to go. Check out my blog at http://www.ournote2self.wordpress.com

    Like

  3. Compulsive Writer says:

    You could come to Florida, it is sort of warm here, warner than most of the rest of our country….and get a room of your own, but…..there is still a risk…..better that you don’t go……and a hiatus from dating is often a good thing for a girl to do…..

    Like

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