Well, I handled that badly

I should have had a conversation with him. He deserved a face-to-face. It’s just that in our previous attempts at conversations he’s either misunderstood me, or turned it into an opportunity to argue with me and try to win me over. And I don’t want to argue; I don’t want to be convinced. And I don’t want to see the hang-dog expression on his face that makes me feel like I’m being mean for sticking to my position.

Also because language was a bit of a barrier to effective communication – and (oh yeah) I’m off-the-charts conflict-averse – I dropped CafeMan a very brief note (also in Spanish thanks to Google Translate) letting him know, among other things, that I think we’re too different (I didn’t say this part, but the reality is that I arrange my world to be fairly peaceful, and he practically swims in drama) and I don’t think we should date each other.

I tried to be nice but clear on the issue, as best I could… but I didn’t want to get sucked into arguments and debate on the matter.  I wish good things for him, but we’re not a good fit.  It’s nobody’s fault. Sometimes that’s just how it goes.

Yeah. I know. A note. Very passive-aggressive of me. I get that. My bad. 

At least I was honest with him. Does that count for nothing?

Maybe it counts for something very close to nothing?

Worse: I am pretty sure that when I handed him the envelope with the note, he thought I was giving him my number. I shook my head to indicate it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies, and gestured for him to open it, but he didn’t right away, and I needed to get back to my semi-normal work life, so I left to attend to my afternoon of tasks and meetings as required.

But I had butterflies in my stomach from the drama.

Not much later I walked by the cafe on my way to a meeting — and in the kitchen I could hear him yelling. Yelling. He sounded really angry. Or, you know, really upset and it just sounded like angry, because honestly I tend to have a hard time separating the two when the volume goes up. Anyway, he was very loud about something.  Honestly, I don’t know that one thing had anything to do with the other – the yelling was in Spanish and I only speak greetings and food – so it could all just be a coincidence.

But now he won’t even look at me and makes himself scarce when I come to the cafeteria.

Which means we can’t have any kind of follow-up conversation.

Oh, and I can’t order lunch.

Well, I guess I deserved that.

I’m really hoping this will pass, because I like CafeMan. He’s a nice guy, and I miss his smile so I hope he gets it back soon. 

I just don’t want to date him.

 

 

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About aka gringita
Flotsam generator. Amateur photographer. Avid traveler. Christ follower.

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